The Phrase of the Day Archives:

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*All I wish I had phrases courtesy D3m0nzz, teh sickest h@x0r in teh w0(r)ld!!
If there are any questions about the story behind one of these phrases, IM me at SuperSecretSnipR or email me at Troko22@thephraseoftheday.com.
-You can do it, Ozzy! Bite his frickin head off! (5/29/05)
-I wish I had an abandoned church...(5/30/05)
-Stop talking, you're giving me down syndrome.
(5/31/05)
-"Is your meat durable?" " I am ignorant. I am still gnawing through the topping." (6/1/05)
-Eat it quick, before it escapes! (6/2/05)
-My dixie wrecked. (6/3/05)
-I wish I had a two headed wolf to ride...(6/4/05)
-Stop that, you'll get melanoma!(6/5/05)
-I wish i had a scythe to cut the shinbones off people bigger than me... (6/6/05)
-Whats that?....processed meat causes cancer?.....Oh, SHIT! I gotta go Kemo see ya(6/7/05)
-Here, hold my coffee. Hey , do you know what time it is? (6/8/05)
-Take a look to the sky just before you die...its the last time you will (6/9/05)
-Donde esta el pollo de govermente? (6/10/05)
-What am i gonna do, flash a seagull? (6/11/05)
-I'm going to see how close I can get to that truck without hitting it. (6/12/05)
-Fucking Kangaroos...(6/13/05)
-You're sitting on my sexi jazz cd! (6/14/05)
-Confusion is the grammar on as beating.(6/15/05)
-Sickening bike, dawg!(6/16/05)
-When I rule the world, I'll send them to my conc... i mean happy camps.(6/17/05)
-Yeah, like that, but no.(6/18/05)
-You think you're gay??? IM WEARING KNICKERS!(6/19/05)
-Peace, love, and oreos!!!(6/20/05)
-Ow, bitch! I mean kinky!(6/21/05)
-Ew! She looks pregnant!(6/22/05)
-Give it up, you're a fucking idiot and you should be beaten to death with cans of vegetable soup. (6/23/05)
-"How the hell did you kill it?!?" "I ran it over with the fucking flower!"(6/24/05)
-Watch your mouth! Are you vulgarian?(6/25/05)
-I reject your reality and substitute my own.(6/26/05)
-Free? Thats totally in my budget!(6/27/05)
-CAUTION: GRASS MOWING AHEAD(6/28/05)*a real road sign i saw on Route 28*
-Wow... I hope it doesn't burn this time...(6/29/05)*ONE MONTH OF POD*
"If he warps the space-time continium, who knows when he'll escape?" "Hm...maybe yesterday?"(6/30/05)
-What is the "thong song"????(7/1/05)
-I feel like a virgin on prom night...(7/2/05)
-Hell, at least Im not the queen...(7/3/05)
-*TV* Human sexuality is natural
*Me* Haha, not the way i do it...(7/4/05)HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
-Soup soup soup soup i like soup.(7/5/05)
-The giant pig is alive!(7/6/05)
-Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good at first, but then you realize you're fucking yourself.(7/7/05)
-Somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep...disorder(7/8/05)
-I play Russian roulette every day with a bullet called life.(7/9/05)
-Piss on it.(7/10/05)
-You might want to take the time to pull up your fly.(7/11/05) 7/11!!!!!!
-I feel like doing something insane...(7/12/05)
-Lets shoot cupid and see how he likes it.(7/13/05)LUCKYUNLUCKYDAY!!!
-Monkey!(7/14/05)
-Holy crap!(7/15/05)
-Baton courtesy, service with a smile!(7/16/05)
-My cat is looking at its butt in the mirror.(7/17/05)
-I didn't stick my boy parts in a blender and turned it on today. Do i get a cookie?(7/18/05)
-The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and 13 years old schoolgirls are FBI agents.(7/19/05)
-=)=checkmate(7/20/05)
-I should've roasted that fag as soon as he did that!(7/21/05)
-Quesadillas- you eat one and its just OHOOHOHHO(7/22/05)
-You can tell my friends are preps when I go to school in a black shirt and they say "Are you going Goth??"(7/23/05)
-Don't dwell in your past, it will only darken your future.(7/24/05)
-I'm cheating on myself.(7/25/05)
-Shut up or I'll steal your girlfriend!(7/26/05)
-Tu Madre.(7/27/05)
-"is it legal?" "Only if they don't catch you!"(7/28/05)
-We're wavedashing.(7/29/05)
-Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained. The end.(7/30/05)
-ANAL PROBING TIME!(8/1/05)
-So there are these two anorexic emos in a car...(8/2/05)
-I'm a sotally tober occifer.(8/3/05)
-Sweet, dude! (said by a five year old in Zoë's Pizza) (8/4/05)
-And you think I'M gay?(8/5/05)
-When it comes to the time of seeing the light at the end of your tunnel...its just a freight train coming your way.(8/6/05)
-Hey! You're the perfect height to kiss my ass!(8/7/05)
-Yeah, when I shoot, I don't aim for the floor.(8/8/05)
-Take your time, I ain't going anywhere!(8/9/05)
-Carpe diem!(8/10/05)
-The weak are strong, and the wise are fools.(8/11/05)
-This is suicide.(8/12/05)
-They're going to crucify the car!(8/13/05)
-I don't think they're Alaskan kings, but they feel huge.(8/14/05)
-And you say I'M fat?(8/15/05)
-How many kittens have you killed just today? Lets see...damn it, I need an abacus.(8/16/05)
-Wake up, you sillies!(8/17/05)
-What the fuck is a muskat?(8/18/05)
-I don't understand the point of an abacus. I just like playing with them.(8/19/05)
-You're bored? Go on the computer. (8/20/05)
-Replace anything that pertains to the sword with penis.(8/21/05)
-Your ass get enough wings, Carl?(8/22/05)
-No, not these. They were farm raised. In my throat. With cheese.(8/23/05)
-I'm tired. I was up all night doing the robot to Metallica.(8/24/05)
-When in doubt, eat a hamburger.(8/25/05)
-We cant afford to be neutral on a moving train.(8/26/05)
-Schvfuk it.(8/27/05)
-Do not drink the chocolate milk!(8/28/05)
-Where are my clothes?(8/29/05)
-Do not invoke my wrath!(8/30/05)
-Don't worry. It's just a cutout.(8/31/05)
-Having sex at 90 is like playing pool with a rope.(9/1/05)
-My butt is sunburned.(9/2/05)
-I just want to kick this piece of shit out the window!(9/3/05)
-CRIPPLE FIGHT!(9/4/05)
-You have the right to remain silence: anything you say can be misquoted and used against you.
-DARTH BUDDHA!(9/6/05)
-Urban ninja.(9/7/05)
-Look out, beetch!(9/8/05)
-In my, in my, in my, in my, in my, hearing range.(9/9/05)
-WTB?!?!?!?!?!?(9/10/05)
-Holy crap that's disgusting.(9/11/05)
-Hold on my ass hurts I need a pillow.(9/12/05)
-Master of Puppets, pulling the strings...(9/13/05)
-Plus? That's more like a multiply. (9/14/05)
-You want to pay for that?(9/15/05)
-Dude, you're going to piss like a racehorse!(9/16/05)
-Your wife has fleas...Haha.(9/17/05)
-Whoa there. (9/18/05)
-Oh my god. Again?(9/19/05)
-Preppies + pens = chipped windows.(9/20/05)
-I think it's dead.(9/21/05)
-And you wonder why its dead.(9/22/05)
-They have music you rub to, some rubbing music, and a new song during which you just rub.(9/23/05)
-Redundancy is a virtue, so is repetitiveness...(9/24/05)
-You think you're bad? I'm like a volcano.(9/25/05)
-You deserve to be butt raped by a wolverine.(9/26/05)
-Pull the tapeworm out of your ass.(9/27/05)
-The tapeworm tells me what to do!(9/28/05)
-The tapeworm tells me where to go!(9/29/05)
-H-O-R-E whore! (9/30/05)
-OH NO LOOK OUT! (10/1/05)
-I pwn your sorry Lithuanian ass.(10/2/05)
-*Fucks that* idk still feels weird. (10/3/05)
-Ow my ovary!(10/4/05)
-You eat like a fat guy with a tapeworm.(10/5/05)
-What's wrong with you people? You aren't making enough fucking noise!(10/6/05)
-OMIGODIMONFIRE(10/7/05)
-OMIGODIMINAFIRE(10/8/05)
-Oh no. I see where this is going.(10/9/05)
-This pina colada is REALLY GOOD!(10/10/05)
-LUMINOTH WINS...AGAIN!(10/11/05)
-(On the bottom of container) Do not turn upside down.*Too late! You lose!*(10/12/05)
-(Written high on the wall) If you can piss above this line, the Hillsboro fire department wants you.(10/13/05)
-The fishy shanty?(10/14/05)
-Sneaky janitors.(10/15/05)
-I'm four feet in dog years.(10/16/05)
-Here I am, dancing to bad techno in the back of a bus.(10/17/05)
-Pookie Bananas!(10/18/05)
-Speaking of Nazi Germany...(10/19/05)
-Je deteste les ecurieuils.(10/20/05)
-If you recognize this song when I play it, you might recognize it.(10/21/05)
-Like a 'flap flap flap eek eek eek' bat?(10/22/05)
-I hope it dies.(10/23/05)
-My little brother just figured out how to trap the dogs in the fold out couch.(10/24/05)
-Sexulent.(10/25/05)
-I want cookies.(10/26/05)
-Damn social conditioning.(10/27/05)
-You said it sister.(10/28/05)
-You're into assassinations, correct?(10/29/05)
-Seriously you're so damned cool. Even for a stupid freshman.(10/30/05)
-I heart Halloween, it brings the inner slut out in everyone.(10/31/05)HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
-Don't make me defenestrate you!(11/1/05)
-NO JOEL! SHUT THE FUCK UP!(11/2/05)
-Ever heard of a Dutch windmill?(11/3/05)
-Don't make me minnow you.(11/4/05)
-Schwam.(11/5/05)
-Doo.(11/6/05)
-Doo and a heif.(11/7/05)
-Shut the fuck up, Curtis.(11/8/05)
-How the fuck did I write gith?(11/9/05)
-Canada is a separate state, right?(11/10/05)
-I believe the term he used was fucknostic.(11/11/05)
-Look. Fat kid wants a tootsie pop. NO!(11/12/05)
-Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth.(11/13/05)
-Catch me if you can.(11/14/05)
-J'aime tu, mon petit saucisson.(11/15/05)
-Whazzat?(11/16/05)
-DON'T DO THAT!(11/17/05)
-I'm not Mexican, but I'm pretty sure that's illegal.(11/18/05)
-Can you get tipsy from milk?(11/19/05)
-Flaming douche rocket.(11/20/05)
-Namu!(11/21/05)
-Lesson Three: when you see a stranger, follow him.(11/22/05)
-Everything I've learned about life can be summed up in three words: it goes on.(11/23/05)
-Mmkay?(11/24/05)
-Clones are people two.(11/25/05)
-Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.(11/26/05)
-Why don't you clean the dishes for once?(11/27/05)
-What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?(11/28/05)
-He breaks his nose.(11/29/05)
-Thats no fair. You know what you're doing.(11/30/05)
-Steal dreams and give to you...(12/1/05)
-Gith.(12/2/05)
-Upi.(12/3/05)
-I JUST SAW JESUS EYES!(12/4/05)
-Wooden ships, on the water, very free...(12/5/05)
-Nice face. I'm going to puke blood, what are you?(12/6/05)
-No, I thought we ate them.(12/7/05)
-You smell like Fritos its disgusting.(12/8/05)
-Gith - n. a general acknowledgement of getting owned by the keyboard. (12/9/05)
-Gith, -ed - v., adj. the act of your keyboard owning you.(12/10/05)
-I've been walking through your streets,
Where all you money's earning,
Where all your building's are crying,
And clueless neckties working.(12/11/05)
-Revolving fake lawn houses,
Housing all your fears,
Desensitized by TV.(12/12/05)
-Overbearing advertising,
God of consumerism,
And all your crooked pictures,
Looking good.(12/13/05)
-Mirrors filtering information,
From the public eye,
Designed for profiteering,
Your neighbor, what a guy.(12/14/05)
-With the blinded flag,
Manufacturing consent
Is the name of the game.(12/15/05)
-The bottom line is money,
Nobody gives a fuck.(12/16/05)
-4000 hungry children die per hour,
from starvation,
while billions spent on bombs,
create death showers.(12/17/05)
-Every time you drop the bomb,
You kill the god your child has born(12/18/05)
-Silly Republicans.(12/19/05)
-You Walk pretty heavy.(12/20/05)
-Three gay guys on an escalator of doom. Not good. (12/21/05)
-Razor tits.(12/22/05)
-Hic.(12/23/05)
-Oh, we're telling the time...(12/24/05)
-Damn drunk women.(12/25/05)
-Relations between countries are that of wires in a detonator.(12/26/05)
-One plus one CAN equal three... without protection.(12/27/05)
-Whale-skin hubcaps.(12/28/05)
-Youwa wee todded.(12/29/05)
-Let's make a plague...(12/30/05)
-It looks like a cigar with wings.(12/31/05)
-Why don't you ask the kids at Tiananmen square?(1/1/06)
-No ones gonna save us now.(1/2/06)
-Should I turn on my flashlight or take out my chainsaw?(1/3/06)
-AAAHHH! IT JUMPED!(1/4/06)
-Damn stasis containers.(1/5/06)
-I'm just sitting in my car and waiting for my girl...(1/6/06)
-I've always wanted to be abducted by a UFO.(1/7/05)
-They should have called it slip and bleed from the aaaaanus.(1/8/05)
-Driving around in my CT2004...(1/9/06)
-If you're wrong, no ones going to beat you.(1/10/06)
-The bus could hit a camel or something...(1/11/06)
-Haha! No more Europe!(1/12/06)
-I WANT A GRAHAM!(1/13/06)
-The trees they grow high, and the leaves they do grow green.(1/14/06)
-He better be being beaten by a baseball bat.(1/15/06) 
-It's called Enron. (1/16/06) 
-What a freak!(1/17/06)
-Carpe Noctem.(1/18/06)
-You're the asshole of my eye.(1/19/06)
-Now who's the humble one?(1/20/06)
-Omfgwtflolspwzowned!!!11one(1/21/06)
-Your move, prietsly man.(1/22/06)
-Don't ever EVER talk to strangers.(1/23/06)
-I'M NOT FUCKING PMSING.(1/24/06)
-I'm seriously going to kill Tony Danza.(1/25/06) -Next time you have a girlfriend, tell me!(1/26/06)
-Epiphonatic Orgasm! Ahhhh! So much knowledge!(1/27/06)
-CANDANIAN.(1/28/06)
-I'm playing with myself. ~Shane's Matris~(1/29/06)
-Nil sapientiae odiosius acumine nimio.(1/30/06)
-Um...a quarter.(1/31/06)
-Aut disce, aut discede. Manet sors tertia: caedi.(2/1/05)
-Ah, the magic of two for a dollar.(2/2/06)
-Damn exploding condoms...(2/3/06)
-I don't care if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a fifteen-whore gangbang.(2/4/05)
-3:14 in ASSHOLE TIME!(2/5/06)
-This is the most fun i've had without lubricant.(2/6/06)
-It's funny 'cause he's Scottish.(2/7/06)
-Dude, you look like Mozart!(2/8/06)
-I do NOT lurk.(2/9/06)
-Est carmen morti.(2/10/06)
-My story had something big in it, but you didn't give it time to develop!(2/11/06)
-I didn't even get to the part with the sailors...(2/12/06)
-If you were any further away, you'd have to mail him the bullet!(2/13/06)
-Bow chica bow wow. (2/14/06)
-I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.(2/15/06)
-When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.(2/16/06)
-It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.(2/17/06)
-I only highligthed "i got a butt-fucking."(2/18/06)
-Gee Gee, nubs.(2/19/06)
-Life's so much better when youre getting some.(2/20/06)
-I'M RICH, BEYOTCH!(2/21/06)
-Yeah boiii.(2/22/06)
-Mushie Mushie Pwned Pwned.(2/23/06)
-The cheat is a fine young man. That. Is an ugly bird.(2/24/06)
-Footloose.(2/25/06)
-OH YEAH!(2/26/06)
-"My mom thinks im a lesbian." "Psh you're so gay."(2/27/06)
-Having sex with cheese?(2/28/06)
-Your dick would smell bad.(3/1/06)
-I am the DDR king.(3/2/06)
-He thinks he's hot shit on a silver platter. He's really cold crap on a paper plate.(3/3/06)
-It kinda annoys the fuck out of me.(3/4/06)
-Cause i had my tray table up...(3/5/06)
-That cake is like a fat kid's wet dream.(3/6/06)
-You're a fucking latin.(3/7/06)
-"That was the gayest thing i've ever heard." "Exactly."(3/8/06)
-Got ink on your cheek! Haha that rhymes!(3/9/06)
-No Sofie, not really...(3/10/06)
-"Qualifications?"
"Stampeding cattle."
"That's not a very bad crime."
"Through the vatican?"
"Kinky..."(3/11/06)
-Not bad for a monday morning...(3/12/06)
-TURKEY!(3/13/06)
-It's that good, huh joel...(3/14/06)
-There comes a time in every man's life in which he must let go of his own head.(3/15/06)
-Fall'st upon thy face?(3/16/06)
-Thou will be falling bac'wards when thou com'st of age.(3/17/06)
-Joel and his Sack of Stolen Babies(3/18/06)
-Riboflavin and Other Funny-Sounding Words(3/19/06)
-Bull Semen: The Quest for Cancer's Cure(3/20/06)
-Unununium: A Comedy(3/21/06)
-440 Ways to Love a Chiminey(3/22/06)
-I'm salty.(3/23/06)
-Wtf Is Inside Me: The Life Story of Joel(3/24/06)
-Go run an abe.(3/25/06)
-GG, Nubcake!(3/26/06)
-CHHHHOKAIE!(3/27/06)
-My eyes wouldn't focus, and what'd i see?(3/28/06)
-Virgin Tea, Virgin Tea, won't you buy some Virgin Tea?(3/29/06)
-Jesus the Mexican boy, born in a truck on the fourth of July, gave me a card with a lady naked on the back...(3/30/06) -Kanapapiki.(3/31/06)
-Kokami.(4/1/06)
-Kokahele ia paka. (4/2/06)
-Ma'i laula. (4/3/06)
-Li'ili'i kou laho. (4/4/06)
-E ho'opohole 'oe i ko'u mai'a. (4/5/06)
-Okole no Au Au. (4/6/06)
-Honi ko'u ule. (4/7/06)
-Hemû. (4/8/06)
-Angry Polonesians, right? (4/9/06)
-Explain yourself!(4/10/06)
-Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.(4/11/06) -Asparagus normally isn't too scary, but this can has a knife.(4/12/06)
-AND FUCK NOODLES!(4/13/06)
-AH! Your hair is long too!(4/14/06)
-This is a vial of the nastiest-smelling substance known to man - - essential oil of patchouli. You might say it's the vilest vial of all the vile vials you've ever reviled. But if you said that, somebody would probably slap you for not being funny.(4/15/06)
-This is a spork, which is a plastic implement combining the properties of both a spoon and a fork. While you might think that would result in a fork with big, flat, dull prongs, you'd be wrong - - that object would actually be a foon.(4/16/06)
-A what?(4/17/06)
-:crickets:(4/18/06)
-Dude! That's written in the bathroom!(4/19/06)
-You can pick through a million lives, but it doesn't mean you have one of your own.(4/20/06)
-I look like a lesbian. (4/21/06)
-I have a ten-inch penis.(4/22/06)
-Dude. Normal people don't take their sons on killing sprees. (4/23/06)
-It's raining cats and dogs... but it's snowing tyson chicken. (4/24/06)
-Give this stone to my brother, cause we found it playing in the garden many years ago... (4/25/06)
-Who's seen Jezebel? (4/26/06)
-Sic Semper Tyranis. (4/27/06)
-Why are you on this late? (4/28/06)
-'Cause caffeine is god. (4/29/06)
-Your Excuse?(4/30/06)
-And he likes to do things like take large bites of of my donuts and dump school supplies on my stomach.(5/1/06)
-I want long legs for christmas.(5/2/06)
-Is that a microwave?(5/3/06)
-I don't know, Europe?(5/4/06)
-AH! My tie blew off!(5/5/06)
-Lynyrd Skynyrd is a blues band, right?(5/6/06)
-Did i lose a bet?(5/7/06)
-It's pretty sad that they have a betting pool on it already.(5/8/06)
-But then again, he's the only guy who would wear tights... wait...what about Alex?(5/9/06)
-HOOGE!(5/9/06)
-It's been swell talking about the opression of jews and board games and hair curling and such.(5/10/06)
-Like, playing jenga with our teeth or something.(5/11/06)
-He's been working with too much glue.(5/12/06)
-Hard to believe he beat out 100,000,000 other sperm.(5/13/06)
-Takes him two hours to watch 60 minutes.(5/14/06)
-If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.(5/15/06)
- Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh blblblblbl.(5/16/06)
-All our little bitty freshman. (5/17/06)
-Got any prarie oysters? (5/18/06)
-Why? Is she allergic to shellfish? (5/19/06)
-Chuck Norris is that construction worker, right? (5/20/06)
-My nips hurt. (5/21/06)
I think she just gave birth or something. (5/22/06)
-I'm all shades of happy. (5/23/06)
-Vaginamuffin is one word, but whatever... (5/24/06)
-I know the difference between Brazilians and Mexicans! (5/24/06)
-Mexicans are from Brazil... (5/26/06)
-WHEEE! (5/27/06)
-Hello! My name is Johnny!(5/28/06)
-Zip it up and put it away.(5/29/06) ONE YEAR OF POD!!!
-Honey nut pot. (5/30/06)
-We can have a threesome! a cheerio eating kind!(5/31/06)
-You bring the honey nut, ill bring the cheerios.(6/1/06)
-They died last year... right?(6/2/06)
-Isn't joviant an actor?(6/3/06)
-Hyperling.(6/4/06)
-I hate people that think with the wrong head.(6/5/06)
-JOSH! WE NEED MORE LUBE!(6/6/06)
-Yeah man. We tied Christians to telephone poles with bloody ropes.(6/7/06)
-I've a picture of you on our favorite day at the seaside; theres a bird stealing bread that I brought out from under my nose.(6/8/06)
-Dar dee dar.(6/9/06)
-And now a lesson in rhythm management.(6/10/06)
-Yeah. He broke my wrist. I broke his face. (6/11/06)
-Yep. It checks out.(6/12/06)
-Kelsey lays eggs!(6/13/06)
-Stop moving your finger, youre getting me all wet!(6/14/06)
-But you remember "fist" can be a verb. (6/15/06)
-You two are going to have wild sex with the blood from his wrists.(6/16/06)
-That sounds like a great idea thanks zzz. (6/17/06)
-C'mon! What's better than cookies?(6/18/06)
-Not being diabetic.(6/19/06)
-Your teacher called. She says you're going to get an F unless you print your term paper in something other than Wingdings.(6/20/06)
-Mmm...fish.(6/21/06)
-It's pretty normal...except for thursday.(6/22/06)
-Sorry how i always stare at you on the subway.(6/23/06)
-There goes the nipples flying.(6/24/06)
-You're so cute when you plot.(6/25/06)
-BAM!(6/26/06)
-I'm not bald. This is just a solar panel for my sex machine.(6/27/06)
-I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.(6/28/06)
-Sometimes I think I know everything, then i regain consciousness.(6/29/06)
-Friends don't let friends karaoke drunk.(6/30/06)
-Somedays you're the pidgeon, some days you're the statue.(7/1/06)
-You! 0ff my planet!(7/2/06)
-Back off! You're standing in my aura!(7/3/06)
-You're more useless than condom machines in the Vatican.(7/4/06)
-He's about as efficient as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.(7/5/06)
-Last time i saw a face like that it was hanging in the hunting lodge.(7/6/06)
-As useful as a trapdoor on a lifeboat.(7/7/06)
-They've got a picture of her in the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump.(7/8/06)
-Who died and told you what they did?(7/9/06)
-I've seen more hair on a billiard ball.(7/10/06)
-I married "Miss Right". Unfortunately, I didn't know that her first name was "Always".(7/11/06)OMFG
-Would I ask you a rhetorical question?(7/12/06)
-I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.(7/13/06)LUCKYUNLUCKYDAY!
-I would slaughter a thousand babies for that. Or just save up a hundred bucks.(7/14/06)
-Hang on! I need a tourniquet!(7/15/06)
-I wasn't going prone, I was writhing in pain!(7/16/06)
-We're going to be out of the butt and into the fuck if we don't come up with those 36 dollars!(7/17/06)
-You sound like a fucking bear running through a woods!(7/18/06)
-It's beautiful... even though its where everyone died.(7/19/06)
-Don't catch cold.(7/20/06)
-Sleepy all of a sudden... time for a nap...(7/21/06)
-She's blonde, cut her some slack.(7/22/06)
-Die, ugly.(7/23/06)
-Dirty, Dirty, Dirty...(7/24/06)
-Some days you're the windsheid, some days you're the bug.(7/25/06)
-SNAKES! On a plane...(7/26/06)
-Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.(7/27/06)
-Every man dies. Not every man lives. (7/28/06)
-I think, therefore I am.(7/29/06)
-I would rather die on my feet than continue living on my knees.(7/30/06)
-Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.(7/31/06)
-No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.(8/1/06)
-The truth is the only one thing that nobody will believe.(8/2/06)
-He said that there was death and taxes and taxes were worse, because at least death didn't happen to you every year.(8/3/06) -Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.(8/4/06)
-Those who never change their opinion never correct their mistakes.(8/5/06)
-The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.(8/6/06)
-What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.(8/7/06)
-Facts do not cease to exsist simply because they are ignored.(8/8/06)
-The difference between truth and fiction: fiction has to make sense.(8/9/06)
-The truth is rarely pure and never simple.(8/10/06)
-Fuck me in my birdhole!(8/11/06)
-You got service?(8/12/06)
-Earth is the cradle of the mind; but you cannot live in the cradle forever.(8/13/06)
-Old men declare war, yet it is the youth that must fight.(8/14/06)
-A man wants to be a woman's first love, a woman wants to be his last.(8/15/06)
-When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.(8/16/06)
-Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.(8/17/06)
-Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. (8/18/06)
-The cause of suffering is desire.(8/19/06)
-Correlation does not indicate causation.(8/20/06)
-I know that I know nothing. Certain knowledge cannot be obtained.(8/21/06)
-If one must die to be recognised, I can wait.(8/22/06)
-These are the tears of things, and our mortality cuts to the heart.(8/22/06)
-Sic faciunt omnes...(8/23/06)
-A beatles fan helped authorities solve a murder from his computer miles away.(8/24/06)
-Amor est vitae essentia.(8/25/06)
-A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi.(8/26/06)
-Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.(8/27/06)
-This tastes like a shit cookie!(8/28/06)
-Fuck yes. Gypsie Vikings? Plunder the village, steal your babies, burn down the town!(8/29/06)
-Those chops are godlike.(8/30/06)
-Putney really is the unibomber! Look!(8/31/06)
-Balls.(9/1/06)
-Pipecleaner? Noob.(9/2/06)
-Fuck me with a knife.(9/3/06)
-I'm going to have to drink bleach to get that out of my head...(9/4/06)
-That is the cutest damn potholder i have seen in at least a week... maybe two.(9/5/06)
-Faggot ass bunny. She was cute the first two years, but then she fucked my guinea pigs and killed them.(9/6/06)
-You can't play cowboys and Native Americans!(9/7/06)
-It's open because we're beautiful.(9/8/06)
-What you farmers need to do is raise less corn and more Hell!(9/9/06)
-You could use that motherfucker as a cane!(9/10/06)
-"I'm a consumer whore." "And how."(9/11/06)
-"Now with more sodium!" "Sweet Jesus!"(9/12/06)
-I'm feeling fat and sassy!(9/13/06)
-Now i can be the Queen of France!(9/14/06)
-Ça te dit de rentrer chez moi et de faire des choses que je raconterai de toute façon à tout le monde?(9/15/06)
-There was spinach that was killing people it was awesome. Kind of except for the killing part. (9/16/06)
-Looks gross, tastes great!(9/17/06)
-"Pykšt" -Brutus to Caesar(9/18/06)
-"You've got spunk, ball-face." -Albert Einstein(9/19/06)
-Do as I say, not as I do.(9/20/06)
-GERMANS!(9/21/06)
-Nescio, ne ergo sum.(9/22/06)
-Who needs fat free food? Thats no fun. Eating an artery clogging hamburger is like an adventure!(9/23/06)
-Imbibo, ergo sum.(9/24/06)
-Viva la muffin! Viva!(9/25/06)
-I'll take the chicken fun pack. You don't have that?(9/26/06)
-"Money's on the dresser." -Romeo to Juliet(9/27/06)
-Swallow, or it's going in your eye. -Stalin(9/28/06)
-We could just swim... -Moses after failing to part the red sea(9/29/06)
-My ass stil hurts from yesterday... -The Dalai Lama(9/30/06)
-CstkFFolmt, LOLz! -Franklin Roosevelt(10/1/06)
-Ill take the chicken fun pack. You don't have that? -Colonel Sanders(10/2/06)
-We could just order pizza, right? -Jesus, after burning the last supper(10/3/06)
-I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane! -Amelia Earhart(10/4/06)
-Eh duhrr duhrr... sh-mannrha! -Helen Keller(10/5/06)
-Rook to A-1. King me.(10/6/06)
-OMG, Hax! -Thomas Edison on invention of the lightbulb(10/7/06)
-Okay, who clogged the toilet? -JFK(10/8/06)
-I'm not sending this fucker his boots... -Tony Blair(10/9/06)
-Brotha, you wack! -Edgar Allen Poe(10/10/06)
-Balls. -George Washington(10/11/06)
-This is Bob. Bob has bitchtits.(10/12/06)
-"Your fly is down." "I know."(10/13/06)
-DON'T FUCKING EAT ME, NIGGER!(10/14/06)
-He was going so fast, you'd think he was a fucking peach!(10/15/06)
-ON FIRE.(10/16/06)
-She's as stubborn as a rock with spikes.(10/17/06)
-Hugs, not drugs... or cutting, or suicide.(10/18/06)
-You're not the brightest bulb in the lamp.(10/19/06)

-When all else fails...(10/20/06)
-Switch Holes.(10/21/06)
-Blame the Irish.(10/22/06)
-Open it up, take it out, and empty it yourself.(10/23/06)
-Fuck.(10/24/06)
-Get a jackhammer.(10/25/06)
-Drink until the options look good again.(10/26/06)
-Punch the elderly.(10/27/06)
-Call ghostbusters.(10/28/06)
-Whine like a Republican.(10/29/06)
-Pretend you know what you're doing.(10/30/06)

-"Whats Fycology?" "You mean psychology?"(10/31/06)
-"It's the study of the vagina." "But i thought that was geology..."(11/1/06)
-You have too many arms!(11/2/06)
-Another noble urban outdoorsman.(11/3/06)
-Who is he now, Elvis?(11/4/06)
-But I don't get it, your name still translates to The Newbie Powner, which makes no sense.(11/5/06)
-Power Owned!(11/6/06)
-Namely.(11/7/06)
-STOP! Hammer time.(11/8/06)
-See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.(11/9/06)
-I'm gonna go get sick now. (11/10/06)
-Did we just own ourselves?
Yes, yes we did.(11/11/06)
-Yeah. I need to kill something.(11/12/06)
-"Did you ever see that movie Boogie Nights?" said Rick to Fred.
"No," Fred replied. The sun was slowly setting; the air grew crisp and cool.
"Oh." said Rick. "Well anyway, I fucked your mom."(11/13/06)
-What's their addiction with cheese, anyway?(11/14/06)
-I swear to god, my nipples could cut diamonds right now. (11/15/06)
-Wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. (11/16/06)
-Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. (11/17/06)
-I would not allow this employee to breed. (11/18/06)
-This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be. (11/19/06)
-Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. (11/20/06)
-When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet. (11/21/06)
-He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. (11/22/06)
-This young lady has delusions of adequacy. (11/23/06)
-He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.(11/24/06)
-This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (11/25/06)
-This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better. (11/26/06)
-Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. (11/27/06)
-A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. (11/28/06)
-He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier. (11/29/06)
-I would like to go hunting with him sometime. (11/30/06)
-He's been working with glue too much. (12/1/06)
-He would argue with a signpost. (12/2/06)
-He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room. (12/3/06)
-When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell. (12/4/06)
-If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one. (12/5/06)
-A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. (12/6/06)
-A prime candidate for natural de-selection. (12/7/06)
-Donated his brain to science before he was done using it. (12/8/06)
-Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. (12/9/06)
-Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it. (12/10/06)
-If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. (12/11/06)
-If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. (12/12/06)
-If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. (12/13/06)
-It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm. (12/14/06)
-One neuron short of a synapse. (12/15/06)
-Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. (12/16/06)
-Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. (12/17/06)
-I'll be your incubus if you be my succubus. (12/18/06)
-Normally I wouldn't do a fat chick from the flag corps, but uh... it is a new era! Of loneliness. Oh God. (12/19/06)
-Oh yeah stay with me man, I'm full of information, I'm like an infomercial. You know what one of them is?
It's information, that you get in a commercial.
(12/20/06)
-I'll slit you up the middle! (12/21/06)
-He peed on me, bitch! (12/22/06)
-Take that! Pure digital dong! (12/23/06)
-Oh shit shit he's backing up, fly fly! (12/24/06)
-Mommy, santa touched me! (12/25/06)
-Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. (12/26/06)
-Young Carl: Oh boy oh boy! I hope this is a new mommy
Carl's Dad: Yeah its not. Unwrap it you little creep, we have to be at work in an hour.
Young Carl: What is this dad..wha...is this carpet daddy?
Carl's Dad: Carpet? No, no. Its berber. That's an industry term.
Young Carl: Hey its like a flying magic carpet here! Look at this, I'm flying around in Egyptland!
Carl's Dad: Don't get too attached there, Aladdin, cause its about to be magic flying dinner.
Young Carl: You can't eat carpet. Silly daddy. (12/27/06)
-Good. Because if I find him over here, I'm gonna be eating my cereal out of the bottom of your fucking skull. (12/28/06)
-Can you make the blood run up the walls? (12/29/06)
-Frylock: Alright, alright, Fine! What should I call it then?
Shake: Bad ass motha'!
Meatwad: No, Snoopy! Or Shroder. One of them two.
Shake: No! The Bad Ass Motha' 4000! (12/30/06)
-The object of the game...is to find parking. (12/31/06) -hic-
-So it is grass. I'm gonna eat it. (1/1/07)
-Yeah, tonight I am downloading porn at 14 kilobytes a second. Ha ha ha. No I'm just joking, I have a cable back in here. (1/2/06)
-I will, she's with me, stop looking at her. (1/3/07)
-Yeah. I need to kill something.(1/4/07)
-Hey, lets talk about gay sex!(1/5/07)
-From the dead.(1/6/07)
-Why? Im a ninja.(1/7/07)
-When? Im a ninja.(1/8/07)
-Where?(1/9/07)
-You think regular chipmunks are bad.(1/10/07)
-Ask a ninja DVD, apply directly to your brain!(1/11/07)
-We can turn flu season into "Hey, can i borrow your barn to store the bodies until spring" season.(1/12/07)


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